Family Worship With Teenagers When They Pull Away

Family worship with teenagers is harder than it was when they were small, and it is still worth keeping. Keep it short, keep it honest and keep it going. Your teenager may roll their eyes, say very little or sit with their arms folded, and you can still open the Bible, pray and sing together every day in a calm and gentle way.

If you are a parent of a teenager and family worship has become a struggle, I want to encourage you. You have not failed, and it is not too late. Let me walk through why teenagers pull away, how to change the shape of your time together without changing what it is, and where you can rest when the heart of your son or daughter is out of your reach. In the end it is Christ who changes hearts, and He is able to do it in your home.

Why teenagers pull away from family worship

A teenager is growing into an adult, and part of that is asking questions they never asked as a child. They may be tired, busy, embarrassed in front of their brothers and sisters, or honestly unsure what they believe. Some of that is ordinary. Some of it may be the sign of a heart that is cold toward the Lord, and only God can tell you which it is.

What you can do is stay near, stay kind and keep the Bible open in the house. Peter, when many of Jesus' followers walked away, said, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68). The Word of God is still where a young person finds life, and the family table is still a good place for them to hear it.

Change the shape of family worship, and keep what it is

A session for a six year old does not suit a sixteen year old. You can change how it looks and keep every part of it.

• Make it short. Ten minutes with a teenager is better than twenty minutes that ends in an argument.
• Keep the same time. A regular time becomes part of the week, and a teenager can plan around it.
• Give them a part. Let your son read the passage, let your daughter choose the hymn, or ask one of them to pray for the next day.
• Ask real questions. Instead of “What did we learn?” ask, “What did you notice in this chapter that you did not expect?” or “What would you ask Jesus after reading this?”
• Choose chapters that speak to them. The session on 1 John chapter 1 is a good place to begin, because it speaks plainly about sin, honesty with God and forgiveness.

Listen more than you lecture

When a teenager says something hard, the temptation is to correct it at once. Try to resist it. The Bible says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1), and “Fathers, don’t provoke your children, so that they won’t be discouraged” (Colossians 3:21).

If your teenager asks a hard question, thank them for asking. Say what the Bible says, and if you do not know, say so and promise to look into it together. A teenager who learns that questions are welcome at family worship will bring them there. A teenager who learns that questions are punished will take them somewhere else.

Parents are in charge of their home, and it is right to ask a teenager under your roof to join the family for a short time each day. But it is another thing to demand that they say they believe. You can ask for their presence, and you can plead with them to give their heart to the Lord. You cannot make their heart believe. Only God can do that.

What you cannot do, and what you can

Jesus said, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him” (John 6:44). That is a hard truth for a parent, because it means no method of ours can make a teenager believe. It is also a comfort, because it means the salvation of your son or daughter does not rest on how well you led family worship last Tuesday.

So here is what you can do. You can keep telling them the gospel plainly. Jesus died for sinners and rose again, and everyone who turns from sin and trusts in Him will be saved. You can call your son or daughter, kindly and often, to repent and believe for themselves. You can read the Bible to them. You can pray for them by name every day, asking God to give them a new heart. You can show them what repentance looks like. When you lose your temper and then say, “I was wrong, will you forgive me,” your teenager sees someone who really does come to Christ for mercy. And you can wait. We should not assume a teenager is a Christian because they grew up in church, and we should not give up on one who seems far from God.

A ten minute plan for family worship with teenagers

1. Pray briefly, asking God to speak through His Word.
2. Sing one hymn. Let a teenager choose it if they are willing.
3. Read one chapter, or half a long one, and let a teenager read aloud.
4. Ask two questions. What stood out to you? Where do we see Jesus in this?
5. Pray together, with the parents first, so that your teenager hears what an honest prayer sounds like.

The guided sessions on this site follow this order, with a step for reflecting together and one for looking to Jesus in our own lives, so you do not have to plan the questions yourself.

Praying for a teenager who is not interested

Some of you are reading this and your teenager will not come to family worship at all. You are not alone. Keep the invitation open, keep praying, and keep the habit going with the others, even if one chair is empty. John writes that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). That promise is for you as a parent too. Bring your own failures to Christ first, and ask Him to bring your child home.

Common questions

Should I force my teenager to join family worship?

You can expect a teenager to be at the table for a short time, as you would expect them to be at the table for meals. You should not demand enthusiasm, and you should not use family worship as a punishment. Make it a pleasant part of the day.

What if my teenager says they do not believe?

Stay calm and keep the conversation open. Ask what they find hard to believe and listen to the answer. Pray for them. Point them to Jesus and to what the Gospels say about Him.

We stopped family worship years ago. Is it too late to start again?

No. Begin humbly and simply. You can say to your family, “I have not led us as I should, and I would like us to read God's Word together for ten minutes a day.” Peter writes that God gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5).

My friend, I know this is a hard season for many parents. Take one small step tonight. Open a session, read together and pray. The Family Worship App is free, as a ministry of Cornerstone Reformed Baptist Church, and if you would like to help other families with teenagers use it, you can give here. May the Lord be near to you and to your children, and may He work in every heart in your home.